Loss is a part of life. The sooner you and I come to terms with that fact the better.
One thing I’ve learned about myself is that I don’t deal well with losing. Yet in the past two years I have been forced to accept certain losses. The loss of my dad to cancer, the loss of a job, the loss of a dream, the loss of good friends.
Yet here I am, still standing.
The wonder of it all is that loss, when properly embraced, can lead to beautiful changes in a person’s heart. Changes that make for a better, more complete person. Changes that heal, restore, and renew.
The process, however, is not always desirable. In the words of Maya Angelou,
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
So why am I blogging about change and loss this evening? I don’t know. Probably because I’m reflecting on the past three or four years of my life, wondering how much of it has really counted, what has been accomplished, what wasted, what gained.
I get this way sometimes. It’s a good kind of introspective, I think. At any rate, as I look back over the past four years I see a whole lot of loss and failure. Very little has gone the way I planned or hoped it would and nothing has turned out like expected.
When I graduated from Bible college in the spring of 2006 my heart was aflame with anticipation. I didn’t know what was going to happen in my little hometown upon my return but I knew it was going to be grand. God was going to do incredible things. But I had something going for me at school which I didn’t have here: daily fellowship. Not just any old fellowship either, but the living kind. Daily fellowship of the living kind makes a huge difference in a peson’s life, make no mistake about it.
Fortunately I was well enough preoccupied with the imminent prospect of marriage that I hardly even noticed the spiritual deadness of my surroundings (you have a way of not noticing things when you’ve fallen in love). But by the time the newness of being married wore off and a couple friends from school had come and gone, I realized how alone we really were. We visited churches but it was mostly the same old thing, very little hunger for reality.
Then there was my dad being diagnosed with cancer; certainly no one had planned for that.
Eventually some other friends of ours from school moved down from Wisconsin. One of these two I count as my best friend in all the world. For us at least, considering the excitement we shared over the possibility of others who might come and what all might occur as we began to meet as the church, it was like a dream come true.
But that was four years ago. If I could go back in time now and tell myself that in four years my dad would be passed away and I’d be doing landscaping for a living and that in regards to the church we would all be back at square one, having tried so hard, longed so deeply and yet accomplished so little, I’m not sure what I would’ve thought. Denied it, maybe. Hoped against it, definitely.
Yet here I am, still standing.
Anyway, loss is a huge part of life. The sooner you and I come to terms with that fact the better. We need not live morose, somber lives, always yearning for the good old days or living wishfully in the future, but we must be willing to embrace change and allow the seasons of life to run their course. After all, we believe that God is somehow working all things together for good and that our crazy lives are a part of that mysterious drama. At least I choose to.
And if you would care to join me on this path of choosing, I certainly would appreciate the company.
Hey brother, since Feb. my wife and I have been traveling from northern Ohio to southern Ohio almost on a weekly basis thus having very little fellowship with the body in Toledo. I have wanted to contact you, but circumstances have kept me from doing so. Jesus is even beautiful in seperation. I encourage you to continue embracing the change ,the strength and insight change breathes into your life. Knowing that everything coming into our lives passes through the Father’s hands, is a great comfort. That thought makes the scripture “all things work together for good” even more encouraging and full of life. Hang in there brother. You are on my heart.
I appreciate that, Bill. It’s always nice to hear from you, and I hope things are well with your family. Feel free to call me anytime you are in town.
I can agree with the “falling in love part”, for some reason life seems so much nicer and everyone is so good these days (as I’m preparing for the wedding…)
But the principle you point out is true – there’s a lot of loss, hardships, things unpleasant happening in our life, and – somehow, by the grace of God – we are still here. In all these things we want to Know Him, the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, so that we might be conformed to His death…
I’m praying with you and for you, Lord, go on in us. Don’t give up on us but have a way in us until You gain what You are after in us!
Amen, Stefan. And congratulations to you and your fiance as well!
Not sure if this helps or is even relevant, but I have always espoused my doctrine of “personal stupidity”, i.e. I don’t know what I am doing most of the time, and when I think I do, I am likely mistaken or misinformed.
I think the best story to illustrate the point came from one of David Wilkerson’s messages a few years back, and I am sure you remember it, probably better than I do. It concerned a couple that went off to Africa, somewhere, convinced they were called by God to do that work. They had 2 children, but the wife died and the family returned home to England in despair and disbelief, having lost all confidence in God. I believe the man died bitter to the end, despite the ultimate revelation that the young man who had cared for his dying wife, accepted Christ and sparked a little great awakening in that region, which took place after they left.
We are vessels or instruments in His house and hand. It is our task to allow Him a free hand in our lives. Remember that Jesus said to those Jews who believed in Him, that they were not free, because His word had not found its way, or free course, in them. He is the living and active Word. Our work is one of belief in Him.
I know you know all of this. Just thought I should write it down. The Lord is good and gracious. Commit your way to Him and lean not upon your own understanding. For my part, I know that I am too stupid!
Blessings!
Chris
Chris,
Thanks for commenting, bro. If you’re too stupid I’m right there with you.
I see that you’re familiar with pastor Dave. Do we have any mutual acquaintances that I’m unaware of?
Not that I know of. We communicated here once before. I have been reading his messages since the mid-80s. That was a particular favorite as it is so profound and perfectly illustrates my point.
Ah, I see. Well, I was just wondering. I went to Summit International School of Ministry in Grantville, PA which was founded under David Wilkerson’s ministry. He came to speak at the school a few times a year and I met him once personally. He certainly was a good man.